The Pork Rind Review

Information

The Best Way to enjoy Pork Rinds:

Atmosphere: We at porkrind.com feel that several factors will allow one to fully exploit the convivial pork rind.  To properly set the tone, one must be in the presence of natural light...  Fluorescent lights ruin the experience.  Pork Rinds should be eaten during the day either outside (if it isn't raining, of course) or inside, with the lights out.  Candles are a must at night.  Never sit in a wooden chair while eating Pork Rinds... We prefer an overstuffed couch or love seat as the ultimate indoor location for the consumption of this fine comfort food. Accompaniments: We feel that the perfect companion to any Pork Rind snack is a Single Malt Scotch and a Fine Cigar.  One might consider substituting the appropriate narcotic, sedative, tranquilizer, pain-killer, muscle relaxant if you're in that kind of mood, but enjoy these substances responsibly. Music: To get the most from the Pork Rind nosh, you should definitely have some nice music in the background.  All reviews here will have some music we were listening to at the time of our tasting.

Definitions and rating factors

  Appearance:  Color is key to a good Pork Rind.  You want your pork rind to be red, but yellow marbling is acceptable.  An exceptional bag of Pork Rinds will be relatively uniform in color... Too much variation in color is to be avoided.  Never buy a bag where you can see veins. Bouquet:  Well, you know... always smell your Pork Rinds before you dig in.  Don't bother with a funky smelling bag of  Pork Rinds.  Don't trust a scentless bag of rinds either... you should be able to close your eyes, take a whiff and imagine yourself in a clean fresh pig pen. Character: Most of the character of the Pork Rind comes from the packaging, but occasionally we will consider other factors. Flavor & Texture:  This is the trump card in our reviews.  No bag will get a good rating unless there are no major noticeable flaws with these factors.  We prefer a light texture in our Pork Rinds, however, some people go for the kind that sits in your stomach like a rock.  To us, however, the quintessential Pork Rind will literally melt in your mouth.  If you were to lick your Pork Rind, you should sense a sandy texture.  Salt should be present, but not dominant.  If you have a flavored bag of rinds, the flavor should be present, but not overpowering. Lingering Effects:  Any effects of eating a bag of Pork Rinds are considered.

Rating System

All above listed factors will combine to a final overall rating.  Keep in mind that a bag of Pork Rinds is always more than the simple sum of these factors.

An exceptional bag of Pork Rinds.  Must be attractive in appearance, exude a pleasant aroma, have ass-loads of character, no negative lingering effects and have the kind of flavor & texture qualities of an extraordinary caliber.
A good bag of Pork Rinds.  No noticeable flaws in appearance will be tolerated.  Decent aroma is also a necessity.  The flavor and texture must be agreeable...  Outstanding character might possibly kick an otherwise deficient into this range
A fair bag of Pork Rinds.  The occasional blemish in the rinds themselves might be allowed.  Aroma should be passable, must have above average flavor & texture; once again character might take an otherwise unacceptable bag into this range.
A poor bag of Pork Rinds.  May have serious flaws in flavor, texture, aroma, seriously debilitating negative effects.  If there's anything horribly offensive on the bag, we might knock a bag that would otherwise have been fair or good down here.
A shitty bag of Pork Rinds.  Deserves a special effort to avoid.

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